In the second chapter, the judge recommends alternatives to conventional divorce, specifically mediation and collaborative divorce.  He advises couples that by using an alternative like collaborative divorce they will save time and money and be happier with their settlement.  “Alternatives to going to court take place in a private setting in which the goal is to find an agreement acceptable to both of you,” he points out, while “a judge’s decree often produces unpredictable results that at least one of you will hate.”

 Even in the best of circumstances, says the judge, “There is the possibility that even a well-meaning, experienced family law judge will rule for the wrong side.”  He lists a number of factors that make it hard for judges to be sure they are making the right decision, including not having enough information or correct information.  In addition, he says, “Very few lawyers who specialize in divorce end up as judges.”

 When one or both spouses are determined to drag out a divorce case, the process can be interminable.  Judge Duncan was involved with a case that dragged on for twelve years.  In this chapter, he cites several reasons that contested divorces take a long time even when both parties want to get it over with: from courtroom under staffing to overloaded calendars to the fact that criminal courts have a higher priority for funding.  

The judge devotes two entire chapters to legal issues regarding the children of divorce.  But in the first chapter of the book he focuses on the emotional damage children can suffer when their parents engage in a vicious divorce struggle.  “A contested divorce trial ultimately ends up causing terrible damage to any children caught in the crossfire,” he observes.

The legal system by its very nature pits one spouse against the other, increasing tension and negativity.  According to Judge Duncan, “Many more people than you would guess maintain at least some sort of friendly relationship with a former spouse after a divorce.  But that is highly unlikely if the two of you go through a contested trial.”

The judge says that more than 90% of divorce cases settle before going all the way to trial.  But attorneys must prepare as though there is going to be a trial, just in case.  That can mean hiring expensive expert witnesses and child custody evaluators.  Says the judge, “Any contested divorce is expensive and can be as costly as one spouse wants to make it.”

“Whatever you do, try to keep your divorce out of divorce court,” says Judge Roderic Duncan.   That seems like strange advice from a man who’s ruled on 25,000 divorce cases.

When a judge who’s spent years hearing divorce cases offers you advice about divorce, you should listen.  That’s just what Judge Roderic Duncan does in his book A Judge’s Guide to Divorce: Uncommon Advice from the Bench.  And what is the judge’s advice?  Stay out of divorce court. 

Judge Duncan estimates he ruled on 25,000 cases as a divorce judge.  He’s also been divorced himself.  He understands that not every marriage will endure, and he’s not telling unhappy couples to stay married.  But he begins his book with the warning, “Whatever you do, try to keep your divorce out of divorce court.”   The first chapter cites several reasons that hiring a “bomber,” the term Judge Duncan uses for an aggressive divorce attorney, and suing your spouse for all the marbles is a very bad way to get divorced. 

 Check back soon for more details and a summary of his 6 main points.